Know Thyself: The 1st Step to Making an Unforgettable Impression

Know Thyself: The 1st Step to Making an Unforgettable Impression

by Cathleen Elise Rossiter

“What makes a child gifted and talented may not always be good grades in school, but a different way of looking at the world and learning.” – Chuck Grassley

 It’s late in the afternoon. I have just come back from a long lunch with a childhood friend and, as I sit down to write, my original topic of discussion takes a back seat to the issues I now feel compelled to put before you.

After the preliminary catch-up chat, we began filling each other in on various mutual friends and others in our lives. The predominant theme in the lives of each of these unconnected, unrelated people was that of settling for less than they deserved (in several instances, settling for abusive situations) out of fear of being left behind or of desperation  all relating to a feeling of being less-than-worthy of anything better. Between the friends who were enticed across the country with hearts-and-flowers-promises of a life with Mr. Right that turned out to be anything but hearts and flowers, to children struggling to find their niche as they enter the world of adulthood, to families’ lives turned inside-out and upside-down by infidelity and a retreat into selfishness, all these circumstances are fueled by each individual’s feeling of worthlessness.

Our sense of Self determines a great many things in our lives because whether we realize it or not, we project our sense of Self (or how we feel we deserve to be viewed and treated) to those around us. Be it on-line, on the telephone, or in person, we communicate to others how they should treat us.

In the business world, I see this all the time. Why is it that some people are singled out for praise and advancement while others are victims of office bullying and career stagnation? It’s the signals we give off unconsciously.

If you want to make an unforgettable impression on those you encounter in the course of your day – a positive, knock-your-socks-off impression -, take time to get to know yourself. If you do not know your own value, you cannot communicate that value to anyone else. If you are not communicating value, therefore respect, you are telling people that you have no value, therefore do not deserve respect.

This month, ask yourself the hard questions about how you feel about yourself and what that says to the world at large. Ask yourself the hard questions about your career and the work you do. Ask yourself the hard questions about what you need to do to change the impression you make, therefore the treatment you receive. Here are a few to get you started:

1. (This might seem obvious, but) “How do I feel about myself?” – What do you like about yourself? What do you not like about yourself? Why do you feel this way? Give reasons. Be honest. Name them. Write them down. Don’t be shy. You may want to go so far as to frame them to remind yourself that you are important enough to merit a picture frame, that you are valuable enough to display (even if, to start, that means in a place only you can see).

2. Now that you know how you feel about yourself, ask yourself, “What are the signals that I send that tell others to feel the same way about me? How am I telling people to treat me the way I treat myself?”

3. Once you know what you do not like about yourself, ask, “What characteristics about me do I want to work on improving?” Again, give reasons. Be honest. Name them. Write them down, and don’t be shy. This exercise will only benefit you. The better you know yourself, the better you will be able to project your awesomeness (to use a favorite Bostonian term) to those with whom you come in to contact.

Once you start asking questions and searching for the honest answers, then make a plan and commit to making the changes necessary for reaching your goal of knowing the value you bring to the equation, that you are worthy of respect, you will see that you continually improve the great impression you leave on the people in your life. You will see that people, for the most part, will treat you better and that opportunities previously closed to you will now be open to you. Of course, the positive reaction of others to the change in you is dependent upon their openness and willingness to see you differently. Regardless, your new-found confidence in yourself will no longer be dependent upon anyone else’s opinion.